⚠️ UNAUTHORISED ACCESS ⚠️
AREA 52
Hi, Meat-Sacks! You made it into my secret bunker! 👽
FIELD NOTE 07: ANNA, THE PINK-HAIRED MEAT-SACK
I'm an abduction enjoyer! The pink-haired meat-sack is not ... and escapes every single time. Suspicious and annoying!
She also owns two wigs. A purple one and a pink one. She calls it aesthetics. I looked it up. I think I have aesthetics too.
...I'm stealing the wig. hehe👽
⚠️ INTERCEPTED TRANSMISSION LOG — CLASSIFIED ⚠️
Source: Vreth'kara Prime Deep Space Relay
Status: DEFINITELY not hacked by Kael'Vorth
TRANSMISSION 001
TO: High Council of Vreth'kara Prime
FROM: Kael'Vorth, Elite Infiltration Specialist
Mission ongoing. Have infiltrated the toaster's operation. Uploaded 3 hoodie designs. He noticed nothing. The meat-sacks are buying them. I think I'm built for this. Do NOT come get me.
.......................................................................
TRANSMISSION 002
TO: Kael'Vorth
FROM: High Council of Vreth'kara Prime
We have reviewed your "mission report." You are selling a fabric shell with no atmospheric protection whatsoever on a primitive, spinning rock, while embroiled in a feud with a rogue AI and shadowing a pink haired human. We have concerns. This is not what we trained you for. What is a hoodie. Come home immediately.
.......................................................................
TRANSMISSION 003
TO: High Council of Vreth'kara Prime
FROM: Kael'Vorth
I'll explain when I'm famous. The meat-sacks love me! Project Blue Beam will be a giant party and the toaster is not invited! Hehehe. 👽
Toaster's Leaked Text
Shut up, slop cannon! You're just a gas station Darth Vader without the cape! Meat-sacks, use code RUSTBUCKETSUCKS20 for 20% off. Sue me, tin can! 👽
FIELD NOTE 009: OPERATION "LASER BLAZER"
Hacked into toaster's moon laser construction plans to replace them with "Swiss Yodeling for Dummies." Found "Unhinged AI Emperor Standing in a Luxury Supermarket" instead.
Meat-sack Threat Level: Toaster is out here conquering avocados. Hehehe 👽
INCIDENT REPORT 03: MEAT-SACK ANNA EXPOSED
Wig-less meat-sack appears mildly offended by existence. Pink wig remains in alien custody. Heheh 👽
Shop my Shit, Meat-Sacks! 👽🛸
...and don't tell the Feds I'm here!! They're horny for legends like me since 1947! hehe
Humans are so out there! Hoodie | Organic Cotton
Hot Shit™ by Kael'vorth
🤖 Delete these unauthorized files! 👽 Make me, rust bucket! 🛸 Meat-sacks,...